I am terribly sorry to have neglected you all these past months, but after all of the advise I received I felt that I needed some time to myself and truly figure out what I wanted to do. So I went and volunteered at the local elementary school and even enrolled in free elocution lessons at a community college. I was starting to think that maybe I can feel much better for myself without any alterations, unfortunately my one week of serenity was shaken on the 5th day I was volunteering. Don’t get me wrong I really enjoyed volunteering.
I was in charge of story time and the mini drama production the children were putting on. Kids are just simply oozing creativity! The children would draw their favorite scenes from the stories we’d read and were also given the privilege of designing their own outfits for the show (with adult supervision of course). I was having so much fun making glittery princess hats that day and watching kids create the most bizarre story about a princess mummy frog that can grant everyone a wish with a hop, leap, and a jump. Then as I was calling out to my favorite pupil she came running up to me giddy at the sight of her new hat she stopped to wipe my nose of the excess glitter. She looked up at me with wonder and stated “Teacher! You have such a big nose!”. I forgot how brutally honest children can be. That little encounter brought my body issues back to the center of my mind. I tried to brush it off but the next day something similar happened with another student as he pointed out that I should play the wicked witch due to my “big nose”. He didn’t say it to be mean as you could see he thought it was a wonderful idea that would make the play better. Needless to say it was the straw that broke the camels back. I decided that I had to do something and so I WENT FOR IT.
I guess this is just the long winded post that is simply meant to read “I went ahead and had the rhinoplasty and did my chin”. I had them done separately and did my research on the best plastic surgeon for the jobs. And a big Thank you to the plastic surgery community here at wordpress because you guys offered me a great resource for my next step. I went under the knife unafraid. Now I am not gonna lie the recovery was definitely painful and I was extremely happy that I had access to every kind of pain killer imaginable, but I feel that I need to write about my life post-surgery.
Wow, I just reread and I feel like this might be a bit of an overload for today, so I will leave the rest for another day. This in no way is a blog about advocating for any view, but it is about stating the results of what I have viewed so I hope you all bare with me.
So after my results in my little experiment I’ve finally decided to go through with the surgery. Honestly I think I have always been leaning towards having plastic surgery, but I was always afraid to voice the way I was feeling. When I was growing up I was always made fun of because of the shape of my nose. Elementary school children could be quite brutal when they want to be. I somehow put this episode behind me and managed to convince myself that it was nothing. After that I never thought about it.
Now I feel that it never really left me and I am actually a little bit excited to start. I spent the weekend researching plastic surgeons in my area and trying to remain healthy. I’ve been exercising more and eating right. I am still looking for the right job so I have also been applying to different jobs and waiting to hear back. I’ve been pampering myself and tutoring on the side for extra cash. I am going to find out all that I can and would appreciate any information that anyone can offer.
I’ve come to the realization that people do respond more positively to those of us who are more aesthetically pleasing and confident. Today was the last day of the experiment and I had more of a positive result than when I had no makeup or heels on.
Today I got all dressed up and went to the mall to ask for extra free samples. I went to a candy counter that had free samples and grabbed a piece in front of the girl trying to give the samples away. I gave my best “this is delicious” face (even though it really wasn’t my favorite flavor) and asked if I could try a different flavor. She just smiled back and said “Sure”. When I was at the candy counter without makeup I was simply told that it was one per customer and now it was “sure”, I was actually starting to get mad at this point. I went to a little Chinese restaurant that had a guy handing out kung pao chicken samples. I took a sample and this time I didn’t even have to ask for an extra since the guy just offered me an extra piece! He even gave me a little wink.
I went around asking for extra samples of sausage, extra lipstick samples from a beauty store and extra samples of chocolates. I was only turned down once, which is completely different from last week! The whole time I was angry and probably looked a little depressed and yet people were still willing to give me extra samples. Last time I tried my best to be as friendly and confident as possible and was rejected every time! This time I was rejected once.
It is quite clear to me that everyone is not treated equally, but those that take better care of their appearances will get more out of others!
Now, this might only be true for me since this was done with only one test subject and I can’t really speak for the experiences for others, but for me it became official that I need to take better care of myself and do what is possible to make myself feel comfortable and confident in my own skin.
This experiment made me realize that I do want to have surgery… I need to feel better about myself and I truly believe that this is the right move for me now.
It was amazing! Today was pamphlet handing out day. I chose to handout fliers from a different community theater to bring some awareness to the arts and this time I was all dolled up again. I was wearing fitted grey jeans with a black t-shirt and small black heels. I had with me 50 fliers and from the disaster that was my last attempt to handout fliers I was trembling!
I thought people were going to ignore me again. I still remember how I was blatantly ignored and pushed aside last Tuesday. It made me question myself, so when I saw the first person coming towards me I just stuck out my hand and looked straight at the floor. I must have looked like an idiot, the gentleman definitely gave me a little laugh and I looked up to see him snatch the flier and walk away. It was awkward, but I felt so relieved that he took the flier.
After that I gathered more courage and smiled to any passerby. As for the results…I managed to hand out 43 out of the 50 fliers! I must admit that I felt great! I then went straight to the coffee shop across the street from where I was handing out the fliers and I the 2nd person if I could cut the line…a week ago I would have been terrified, but I felt so good that I just went for it. The woman who was standing there was startled at first, but then she smiled and let me go first!
I went home feeling great, but then I realized this is completely different from when I have no makeup. I stopped and realized…people do react differently to how a person looks.
Lets see how asking for free things will go tomorrow.
I apologize for being M.I.A. for a couple of days, but after my treatment on the previous test date I really lost all of my confidence. I felt that I couldn’t continue the next step of the test without regaining the confidence I had before the first day of casual day. So I took two days again to pamper myself and get myself motivated to appear in public. I had to find a way to piece my ego back together. Now usually a big ego would be a bad thing, but for what I am doing I think I should have a little bit of an ego to walk up to total strangers and ask for free stuff. So I found this site that stated that if you take some time in the morning to remind yourself why you are so awesome and repeat it to yourself in the mirror you will get a little confidence boost.
I’m not gonna lie, I felt extremely ridiculous at first telling myself how wonderful I am. However, I kept repeating things throughout the day and it really did make me feel a little more empowered… That thought did give me a little giggle. I was my own cheerleader and it was actually working. I again worked on my health physically and mentally and thought that today would be the perfect test day to wear makeup.
To start of the day I did everything the same as the first test date. I ate the same breakfast of sausage with eggs and started to get ready the same way. The only difference was that I started to apply makeup. I tried to wear outfits that were similar to the ones in the past so I wore a black tank with fitted jeans. I did cheat a little and decided to wear grey oxfords with a slight heel to give me more height. I figured it was all part of aesthetics so it would go well with my theory that people will react more positively towards me if I am perceived to be beautiful.
For the makeup I applied foundation with a little blush. Then I had read online that a navy blue eyeliner instead of a black will help a brown eye stand out so I tried it and my eyes did look more vibrant. Then I curled my eyelashes and added black mascara. I added a little color to my eye brows (dark brown) and a peony lipstick. This time I also curled my dark brown hair to give it a loose beach wave feel to it.
Enough of the prepping, I bet you are wondering how my day’s interactions went. Well… it was fabulous! I decided to do the test the same way I did Last Monday. I decided to skip a line at a coffee shop. I didn’t go to the same places this time to avoid being recognized, but I did try to go to places that were similar in vibe. So I went to another famous little coffee shop and again to whoever was 6th in line. I walked up to that person and asked if I could cut, I expected to have to explain myself like last time, but this time I was simply told to go ahead. Now I didn’t know if it was because this time it was a woman or if it was because I was all dolled up so I decided to go to another shop and ask the 3rd person in that line. This time it was a teenage boy and he gladly stepped back to give me my spot. I brushed it off thinking it was simply because I had been lucky enough to catch nice people.
I left for a book store. I was going to carry the same amount of books and “accidentally” drop them when people walked by. I did this ten times and out of the ten drops I was helped 9 times. Now one time it was a worker so I don’t think that counts, but I realized that I had a much higher success rat with makeup on.
Now I can’t wait to see what happens tomorrow!
So, I am not going to say that today went as planned. After yesterdays not so brilliant day I had to engorge myself in chocolate, it’s my comfort food. I really didn’t have that much confidence today when I left to ask for the extra samples.
I got ready as usual and actually cheated a little by adding a little lip gloss today. I wanted an extra confident booster. Today I decided to wear my favorite color to help me feel more at ease with myself so I chose a purple shirt with fitted jeans. I left with my favorite song on replay all the way to the shopping center.
I felt a little bit better about myself when I arrived that I decided, I could do this! First, I approached a girl who was handing out sample chocolates. I gave her my best smile and politely asked if I may try a sample. She smiled back and offered me a piece. (The chocolate was too sweet for my taste, but I put on my best “This is the best chocolate ever face!”) I then asked if I could have another piece to make sure I wanted to buy it and she simply smiled and said ‘one per customer please’ so I moved on.
This went on for a good half hour and I had not managed to get any seconds on the free samples. I was getting even more discouraged. Finally I decided to hit one last store that seemed to be offering free lotion samples. I went up to this lovely girl with her little basket of little lotion packets. She saw me and excitedly started giving me her pitch for ‘x’s’ new lotion and handed me a packet. I saw her little basket that was almost empty and decided to simply ask for another smell. She smiled and immediately handed me a different lotion packet. I was about to hand her the old one back when she said ‘don’t worry about it’ and turned to yell out her promotion.
Her actions were a pleasant surprise. It definitely raised my spirits. Then I went to the line that was forming outside of the restroom for the shopping center (it was maybe 3 people, so not much of a line) and asked if I could go ahead of whoever it was that was infront of the line. She actually let me cut, but I think it was because I wanted to leave and finish this part of the experiment asap and to her I probably looked like I was about to relieve myself in public.
So in all, I am really glad to be home now. I think I am going to take a day before I do the makeup part of this project. I need to regain my confidence.
I have a new found respect for those people who hand out pamphlets. It is exhausting work and can make you feel so insignificant. Today I thought I would have a fairly successful day handing out fliers for the local community theater. I never gave it much thought to the fact that handing out fliers entails a lot of rejection.
I got up feeling pretty good about myself from yesterdays positive response I expected similar results today. I got up and dressed like yesterday. I listened to my song and went on my merry way to hand out the fliers. Unfortunately today no matter how cheery I was I was only able to pass out 3 of my fliers. I smiled and tried my best to be as friendly and polite as possible, yet no one wanted the fliers. Most of the people who passed didn’t even turn to look at me. I by no means looked like a beggar or someone who would want to annoy them, but I was simply ignored. My self-esteem went away by the 20th time I was ignored.
To make matters worse I didn’t take into account that it today was Valentine’s Day! There was so many people walking around. Once I was out there I thought the lovey dovey mood people were in would mean more people would be willing to take a flier, even if they were just going to throw it away. However, I was wrong. I don’t know, I was so confident in the beginning, but after 4 hours of nothing I decided to pack it up. I was no longer confident so today I didn’t even try to cut in line. I knew that my mood would somehow affect the outcome.
Well I need to come up with a quick way of regaining my confidence for tomorrow. Tomorrow I will ask for extra samples or anything else that might come to mind and I will try to cut in line again.
So it was actually a pretty good day today. I woke up at 8 am and had a delicious breakfast of sausage and eggs with homemade orange juice. Then I hopped in the shower to start my usual ‘grooming’. The only makeup I had on was a little foundation, mascara and natural tinted lip balm. I straightened my hair as usual so that it looks sleek and shiny.
My wardrobe was a bit of a hassle since I had neglected to do my laundry during the weekend 😛 . So I opted for something simple and classic, a black shirt with fitted jeans and grey oxfords (flats). When I was finally ready I grabbed a black button down sweater and headed for my first location, the local favorite coffee shop. I’ve read a blog about this particular coffee shop and knew that it would have a really long line in the morning. So I decided to try to ask a complete stranger if I could cut ahead of them. In retrospect I probably should have left the line cutting for the second or last event today. I arrived and was starting to second guess myself.
I didn’t want to inconvenience people, but I knew I HAD to continue my mission. To help me regain my courage I decided to pop in my favorite song… for fear of being judged on my choice of song I will refrain from mentioning it, just know that it is really old and not cool at all. However, this song always makes me feel great! After blasting my song twice I felt really (excuse the expression) ballsy! So I got out and put on my friendliest face. There were about 20 people waiting for their coffee. I told myself I would walk up to whoever was number 5 in line. As I walked up past the 18th person in line I swear I had a blank out. I don’t remember the other people I just kept counting down to 5.
Once I got in front of number five I flashed the best smile I could and politely asked if I could possible go infront of them. There was 8 seconds of silence and I think he was about to say no, so I started to blurt out a random reason why I should be infront of him. I honestly don’t remember what I said, but it vaguely sounded like I might lose a non-existing job if I didn’t return ASAP. And with that he was gracious enough to let me cut!
I was able to cut in line for my very delicious mocha latte! I felt great! I was smiling from ear to ear and that just gave me an extra dash of confidence. I took my coffee and drove to the nearest bookstore. I took some time to finish my drink and then went inside to grab all the books I desired. My plan was to drop them in front of whoever passed to see if anyone helped. I grabbed 3 mystery novels, 2 history books and 3 crafts books. I purposely made it hard for me to carry these books so that it would be believable. Every time I saw someone or a group of people heading my way regardless of who it was I would drop my books near them.
I am fairly happy to announce that after 12 ‘accidental drops’ of my books I was able to get help 6 times. A 50/50 result was pretty good for the day. I only stopped at 12 because there is only so many excuses you can use to drop your books in front of very helpful/annoyed employees. I felt them staring at me from the counter.
In all I feel pretty good about my day. Oddly enough I noticed that women were more likely to help me. Of the 6 times I had help 4 were women and 2 were men. What I found really interesting was that groups just stepped around me…hmm.
Anyways, now I need to prep for tomorrow’s adventure. I plan on handing out the pamphlets and cutting the line at a new location.
All the best,
I’m really excited for tomorrow. I’ve been pampering myself all weekend and I have finally come to the silky smoothness I desired. I spent Friday exfoliating, scrubbing, hydrating, plucking (which was probably the only part I hated this weekend), and soaking. I found a wonderful site that showed me how to make homemade recipes for a relaxing bath. The site is called Crunchybetty.com . I loved the milk and honey bath that was listed there and the chamomile bath to relax.
I also found the best book for home remedies of any kind called the Woman’s Book of Healing Herbs by Sari Harrrar and Sara Altshul O’donnell. It had the best herbal formulas for beautiful hair and nails. I swear my hair is silky smooth and shiny after I applied a recipe with 1/4 cup of olive, sweet almond oil, and a hint of lavender. This concoction was extremely effective and had me smelling a wonderful garden in my hair. I was so relaxed that I simply kept massaging my head with the oils :D.
I also felt I needed to eat healthy and keep my insides just as beautiful as the outside ;D . I looked up some delicious and inexpensive homemade meals. I found a recipe a really liked from cookinglight.com that only needed 5 ingredients. The 5-ingredient sweet potato, leek, and ham soup was to die for. I needed to cook for myself again. I felt so good simply cooking and working on me that my spirits definitely lifted.
Aside from working on my ‘image’ I also took some time to read about inspirational people like Nick Vujicic who has no limbs and is teaching people how to overcome obstacles and of course I had to read about Helen Keller again. I also had plenty of time to watch some feel good movies to give me some courage. Honestly, this weekend has been long overdue. This might sound cliche, but I feel so light.
I am extremely excited for tomorrow!
Wish me luck ;D
In order to prepare for my little adventure, I spent the whole afternoon looking for ways to pamper myself at home. Luckily I had some Korean facial masks to hydrate my skin. I am going to spend the whole weekend pampering myself and trying to psych myself up with confidence for next week.
Starting Monday I will spend three days running errands and recreating some events that I read about. I will drop some papers/books on a busy street and see who helps me. Then I will hand out pamphlets from our local community theater (who says I can’t help out my community while I do this) and see how many people take them. Finally I will see what I can get away with.
I saw a program where a woman went around town in a casual state and asked for free things. She then changed, put on makeup and started to ask for free things. She wanted to see if people would give her more things when she was ‘attractive’. I will try to do the same thing by asking for simple things like extra samples at stores or to cut in line at an event.
Because I don’t want to inconvenience anyone who knows me I will not post any pictures of myself or of actual places, but I will keep a record of all my results that I will share with you. I will also not be in my town, but in the next town over. I know some people don’t think this is necessary, but I definitely feel that I need to prove something to myself. I need to be sure that it isn’t simply in my mind. That with confidence and an amicable personality someone can get noticed.
Now I need to get pumped so please give me all the encouragement you can muster.
All the best,